Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
