FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
a search helicopter?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
