I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
