I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
