you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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