time to smoke my breakfast
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
