We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
