i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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