Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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