btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
