why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
