We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
