Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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