That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I seem to have left my pride at pride
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
