We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
