I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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