Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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