So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
