I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
