maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
