I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize