oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
