i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nutella sex= disaster
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
