so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
