a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize