Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
