And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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