you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
