Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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