i love accidental penises.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i've created a new STD.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize