Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
