You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
