It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
