Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
