What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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