Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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