PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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