do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
