i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
