I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i out mim tonsoeep
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