Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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