Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
