the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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