Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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