Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
