Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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