pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
