i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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