I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My feet surprised me
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