Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
