Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
