im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
