someone threw a dead crab at me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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