in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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