we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
