I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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