I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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