Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
