i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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