He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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