I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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