Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
