just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
