The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
