His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
