I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
