My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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