Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
