Whod you bang
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
