i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
