and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
