you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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