Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
