i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
