He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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