does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
