drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
