Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
