I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How's work?
Spinning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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