It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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