Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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