Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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