Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
