So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
