I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
