does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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