i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
