Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
