garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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